Small Moments

This Summer, I'm trying to treasure all those small moments, the ones that seem insignificant at the time but somehow become indelibly marked in our memories. Like a traffic jam on a bridge that just happens to be over a river sparkling with the evening sun.

Soon, I will have a different life. I'll take on a new title, have a new "job," and possibly start to question my entire existence. Perhaps then the small moments will be the most important- a look into my daughter's eyes, a 2 am wake up call, a chat with a friend, a moment spent together as a new family.

I read an article recently about "wasted" time- how so many times we force ourselves to stay busy and productive every moment of the day, and view any down-time as wasted time. I felt challenged to rethink my idea of what constitutes productivity. How often do I look back and remember the moments I was trying too hard, doing too much, multi-tasking? No, instead, it's the times I find myself stuck with nothing to do, wavering on the edge of frustration, realizing instead that there's beauty to be found in that moment.

I hope that you find time to "waste" this Summer- maybe for you it's taking a moment to dip your toes in the lake, to sip an extra cup of coffee and watch the sunrise, to marvel at a newborn's tiny, precious toes. I pray those moments will be abundant, and that the memories made from them will be with you forever.

Goodbye, 2011

2011 was a wonderful (and at times challenging) year. I think I learned a lot and grew in so many ways through the process. I thought it would be fun to jump on the "Year in Review" bandwagon, and take a little chronological look through the events of 2011... 

I kicked off the year by starting in a whole new career direction. After quitting my 9-5 work as a government employee, I started working as a part-time voice and piano teacher. Wow, it was like culture shock for a while (but in a very good way!). I got an email one day from the music school where I teach, asking me what I wanted my schedule to be, and I broke down in a fit of happy tears. It just felt SO good to not be forced into a rigid work schedule under constant micro-management.

As you can see from the photo below (taken the day after my last day of work, we went out to dinner to celebrate), I was a little crazed from the whole experience!

In early January, I sweet-talked my husband into letting me bring home an adorable, furry creature whom we subsequently name Agatha (Aggie, Aggs, or Aggs Benedict for short). We have never regretted this decision... except for perhaps when we came home at quarter to midnight on Christmas Eve and found that she had puked in our living room a total of EIGHT times...

It's ok, we still love her.

(one more gratuitous cute kitty photo)

We undertook one of the biggest home improvement projects we've done so far, and painted our ugly cabinets! We also replaced the flooring with tile, and re-laminated the countertops.

It's like a whole new kitchen!

On the blogging side of things, I finally delved into the world of fashion blogging. My "Blue Skies" refashioned skirt garnered quite a few rave reviews, and I was totally encouraged to keep on with refashioning and posting about more sartorial topics. These posts have definitely been my most popular, which is super fun! I hope to have quite a few more in store for 2012...

In June, Josh and I took our first "real" vacation as a married couple, and went on a big road trip to Virginia to visit my huge family. Note: my family members are not overweight, there are just a lot of them.

In VA, I got to meet my blogging buddy Jane from The Borrowed Abode in real life! She and her boyfriend (now fiance) Ryan invited us to there casa for a BBQ and the most delicious strawberry cupcakes I have ever tasted. Meeting a blogging friend was one of the funnest experiences! It made blogging seem so much more "real" and helped me realize it's value in my life even more. Yay for blogging!

In July, I got to be a part of an opera program here in MN. It was a little nerve-wracking, and the first time I sang classical music in public for 3 years, but it was so rewarding. It opened up a new realm of possibilities for my singing and teaching career!

My family celebrated not one, but TWO engagements! (Well, technically, engagement #2 happened on January 1 of 2012, but who's keeping track anyway?).

So far, 2012 is looking to be a pretty awesome year. One of the things I'm looking forward to most is going to California with my handsome man for a wee vacation in February... should be fun!

Blog-wise, I'm really inspired to keep truckin' along. I'm hoping to keep up the same types of posts, but add in quite a few more fashion/refashion inspired posts. My goal is to write at least one each week! 

What are some of your goals (I hate the word resolution... it just begs to be broken in my book) for the New Year? Is there anything that you would like to see more of on this ol' blog? I would love to hear your thoughts!

Christmas is coming...

 The packages are wrapped.....

The house is gently glowing with candle-light and tiny shimmers from the tree...

Christmas smells fill the air with memories of times gone by, and hope for the days to come. 

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.

(Isaiah 9:2 NIV)

Busy Little Bee

This week, I feel like a busy little bee buzzing all over the place. Between prepping for and teaching lessons, trying to cook dinner every night, keeping the house somewhat tidy, getting myself dressed every day (what, you don't have trouble with that?) and practicing for an audition on Saturday, I'm feeling a bit stressed.

I was hoping to publish another outfit post today, but that will have to wait because somehow in the busy-ness I forgot to take photos.

So instead, I thought I would talk a little bit about how I handle stress. You see, I didn't used to handle it very well. In fact, a little over a year ago I had to go see a psychologist who recommended medication for my anxiety issues. That was kind of a big surprise to me, I didn't realize my anxiety was that big of a deal. Then again, I was having panic attacks on a regular basis which were what caused me to see a doctor in the first place.

Well, I didn't want to start taking medication, so I decided instead to really focus on alleviating unnecessary stress. Part of that plan was to quit my 40+ hour a week job to start teaching music, something I am thankful for on a daily basis. Doing what I love to do, instead of spending 50 hours a week working and commuting at a job that was a bad fit for me, is an automatic de-stresser. When I was working full-time, I was still teaching voice on the side and taking lessons myself to keep up and it was just getting to be too much.

In addition, I started using my planner again to keep track of everything, learning to say "no" to certain things (anyone else have a hard time with that?), spending time daily in God's word, and taking time to get the right amount of sleep every night. Even though I still deal with stress on a regular basis, it's definitely to a much lesser extent. I feel like a different person. I haven't had a panic attack in over a year, praise the Lord!

When I notice my stress levels creeping up, it's usually due to one of those issues. So I go back and look at what I did wrong- do I really need to hang out with friends 3 days in a row? Can I move one to the next week? I know, it's a rough life. =) But I tend to over-commit to things that are important to me; family, work, church, friendships, music events.

How about you? Are you a high-stress person, or do you handle life in a stride? I would love to hear your comments and thoughts on dealing with stress. One of my biggest tips? Grab a cup of decaf chai, and take a few minutes to sip some tea and breathe deeply. Instant calm-in-a-cup!

Beauty in Strange Places

On Labor Day, we were at my Grandparent's house for a family gathering. Sadly, some of our family recently moved to the beautiful state of Virginia, so each gathering feels a little strange without them here. But nevertheless, we had a beautiful day and the perfect temperature for outside exploration. Some of my cousins came back with the crazy, fiery orange organism you see above there. Know what it is? It's a mushroom. No, we didn't eat it (that would be stupid), but it sat on the table as a kind of living cornucopia and everyone admired it throughout the day.

Seriously, have you ever seen a fungi that is so beautiful? 

It just struck me that with all our human endeavors, we never can make anything that matches even the slightest profound beauty of our Creator. It was a good reminder to me that as I struggle to make myself and my surroundings "beautiful," God creates beauty in something as seemingly mundane as fungus. And perhaps all my strivings for beauty, perfection, and order are simply masking the true beauties of life. So this Fall I'm determined to take note of every detail of creation that surrounds me, to the best of my abilities. And instead of feeling ashamed that I can't produce the kind of beauty I want, I will rest assured that I don't have to. He's got it covered already.

A Good-Friday Read

(Photo Credit)

Hey all, just popping back in for a moment! I have a good friend who has written some beautiful stories to go along with this Easter season, and our church has been sharing them for the past few weeks. Another church member who has a blog is featuring one of the stories he wrote today, and I wanted to share the link here so more people can read it! I love his style of writing, and the way he illustrates the time Jesus spent in the garden praying before His death on the cross. It really brings a new, meaningful perspective to those last hours.

Click here for the link. Have a wonderful Easter weekend!

Decorate Your Heart- Reconciliation

What is it about family that can strike a nerve like no one else can? They know us so well, and are so familiar with our faults and weaknesses. It's a blessing and a curse at the same time.
On Sunday, my brother and I had a little face-off. To be honest, I'm not even sure I can pinpoint exactly what started it. It was probably just an offhand comment that went awry. But, what started out innocently enough turned into angry words, closed hearts, thoughts that I don't even want to admit existed.


I felt miserable. I've gone through the past 2 days thinking over what happened, simultaneously angry at my brother and at myself. And today, two days later, I was still feeling the nudge of the Holy Spirit. I wanted to spend time in God's word, but realized that I needed to be reconciled first. How can I enter into the presence of One so holy, so gracious, when my own heart is harboring bitterness?

So, I made the call. And the words were healing, transforming, renewing. We spoke, we listened, we set down our weapons and let the reconciliation happen. The enemy may love to see us war with each other, but God's love of reconciliation is even stronger. It is amazing to see Him work in our human situations, and feel His love emanate when we obey his gentle prodding.

Sometimes, reconciliation can't happen on both sides. But I'm determined to be at peace with others as much as possible. I want my home to be a place where friends, family, loved ones can come and meet and truly experience God's love. Instead of holding onto bitterness and nursing grudges and letting that permeate our home, I want to be in the business of reconciliation.


Matthew 5:23-24 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift."

2 Corinthians 5:17-19 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation."

Something Better

(Last night- eating Pho soup with my Hubs and celebrating a new career direction!)

Yesterday was my last.day.ever. working for the Federal Government. As I gathered up my meager belongings, turned in my badges, and giggled at the email I got (exactly 3 hours before leaving) that said my background investigation was finally finished, I felt no regret.

3 years of staying in a job that I (to put it lightly) really didn't enjoy has made for an interesting transition. I had prayed in vain for soooo long, it kind of felt surreal to finally be walking out the door. I said my goodbyes, grabbed my bags and began the walk out to my car, accompanied by my dear friend and co-worker Andrea.

Then, suddenly and completely without warning, the tears started coming. If not for this dear friend of mine, I could have skipped out the door without a second glance. But suddenly the memories of all that we had gone through together came flooding back, along with the knowledge of how significant her friendship has been over the past few years. We have seen each other almost every day, spent countless lunch hours roaming the skyways of Minneapolis, sharing details of our lives and helping each other through challenging times.

(A and I at my wedding, circa 2009)

How can you just walk away and not acknowledge that kind of friendship? So, even though I was wearing mascara and had sworn to myself I would not cry, I let the tears come. Even though I won't miss working at that job, I will miss seeing my friend every day. I know that our friendship will stay strong, but there's no denying the fact that it's a huge change. Especially since she also has a little one on the way (literally any day now!), and the next time I see her she will be a Mom.

Life is full of changes. Some are good, some are bad, and some are just bittersweet. I thought back to my college days and remembered the C.S. Lewis quote that my graduating class chose for our motto, "There are better things ahead than any we've left behind."

There are better things ahead than any we've left behind.

It's true for my friendship with Andrea, the career path I've chosen, the very knowledge of "growing up" and changing from a child into an adult. Change is always difficult, especially when you can't see what is ahead. But it's a thread that is continually woven through our lives and the lives of those around us.

So as you celebrate the Christmas season, maybe you are experiencing changes too. Perhaps there are some people who are absent from your lives, perhaps you are juggling a new marriage and how to split up your celebrations so that everyone around you is happy, perhaps you have welcomed a new child into your life or watched as your adult child is making a life of their own.

I hope you will remember with me this season the goodness that God has laced through our lives, and rest secure in the knowledge that He is still working and no matter what we leave behind, there is always something better that lies ahead.

Simplicity for Christmas (Thoughts on Faith)

Lately, one word has been running through my head a lot. Maybe it's because I'm on the verge of quitting my job and pursuing a healthier, happier lifestyle. Maybe it's the fact that my salary will soon diminish quite considerably. Or perhaps it's just an aversion to the rampant consumerism that is all around us, especially during this time of the year.

Simplicity.

We've all heard it before, maybe so many times that the meaning has started to fade away. But as I look through holiday magazines, walk through shopping malls, and talk to the other people in my life I am noticing the overwhelming drive to buy stuff.

Black Friday sales, ads in the newspaper, emails from countless shops offering discounts and free shipping, billboards, TV commercials, etc. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if marketers someday figured out a way to make products speak for themselves. "You know you want me. Come on, you deserve a nice sweater for the holidays. Don't you love my sparkly beaded trim? Just try me on. I will make you feel SO SPECIAL!"

Ok, so maybe that won't ever happen (I hope not, I'm already a little creeped out). But the truth is, the reason I am celebrating the Christmas season is because of a tiny baby that was born in the lowliest, most simple of circumstances. His parents were not wealthy or well known, and they didn't have fancy, expensive gifts to celebrate his coming. All they had was each other and the knowledge of Who this child really was. And for them, it was so much more than enough.

Simplicity isn't a new concept. In fact, if anyone knew how to live a simple life, it was Jesus Christ himself. So I'm trying to follow His example this year, and move away from the idea that Christmas is something that can be bought in a store and wrapped up in fancy packaging.


He grew up ... like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.
Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
(Isaiah 53:2-5)

When life hits you like a Mack-Truck...

Hello, my dear, lovely blogging friends!

As you can see, I've been on an involuntary blogging hiatus. This makes me sad, because I LOVE blogging. But, sometimes it's necessary!

It's necessary right now for several reasons that I would like to share with you:

1) I have a really freakin' busy full-time job. I work for the USDA, primarily hiring and keeping track of cotton inspection employees. It's cotton season right now- so we've been hiring 50-100 people every week! Yowza! So when I'm at work, I'm basically a mad-woman.

2) I've been experiencing some health issues. Stress is an issue for me- when I feel stressed I tend to get sick or have panic attacks. It's gotten to the point where I have had to see a doctor because of anxiety-related issues. So apparently I'm just a mad-woman in general! Hehe.

3) This is actually the EXCITING part of my news. I am in the process of (hopefully) making a career transition to being a music teacher on a part-time basis. This is exciting to me for several reasons (here come the sub-points!)...

a. I will no longer be working full-time.

b. I will be able to actually clean my house once in a while.

c. Less stress = hopefully less panic attacks.

d. I will finally get to do what I LOVE.

e. Hopefully, I will also be able to devote more time to my favorite hobby-

blogging!

So, that's what has been going on in my life recently, and hopefully it explains why I've been a little absent from this space. I'm still going to keep on blogging, just not as frequently as I would like!

Also- I wanted to thank you all for being so wonderful! Blogging has become a huge passsion of mine, and it's primarily because of the awesome friendships that I've developed. Who knew that could be possible? I love communicating with you guys and hearing/seeing your creativity and sharing what inspires me to be creative!

So please accept this digital hug! Thanks for being so awesome!

Summer Memories

I was browsing through some of our old photos and came across a few from our first Summer together, way back on the ol' days of 2008. You'll have to forgive me for the random nature of this post, but I wanted to share a few memories of those days!

I met his parents that June, and a couple months later we helped them make cherry jam! They have miniature cherry bushes in their backyard, and they make the best cherry jam ever.

We also went to his Grandpa's cabin up North. We spent the weekend huddling inside because it was so windy and rainy! Yet, it was one of the funnest weekends I have ever had. I just loved Josh's family from the very beginning- they welcomed me with open arms and made me feel so at home!

The night we got back to the cities, Josh dropped me off at my apartment and we watched the movie "Juno." After the movie, we sat and talked for a while. At one point, he chuckled a little to himself. "What?" I questioned him, expecting to hear some funny anecdote or something. Instead, he just looked at so seriously me and said "I love you." For the first time.

We had so much fun spending that Summer together! It was so emotional and yet wonderful at the same time! I knew I was falling in love with him, and that my life was going to drastically change.. for the better.

Josh met (almost) my entire family that Summer- including a graduation open house with 40 of my cousins. Talk about overwhelming!

We drove his motorcycle to the fireworks at Taste of Minnesota, and sat and sipped coffee as we watched the lights dance above our heads. You didn't think I would fall in love with someone who doesn't like coffee, did you?

I love having those memories. Now that life is more steady, more sure and settled, I love looking back and remembering those times. I'm so thankful for the way God directed our lives that Summer!

What are some of your fondest Summer memories?

Little me

(Nicki and I, circa 1998)

Little Me.

If I could talk to her now, I would have a lot to say.

Things like, "It really doesn't matter how knobby your knees are, or how bony your elbows look. Don't try to hide them in baggy clothes, it just doesn't work. Besides, being skinny is IN (no matter what your so-called friends say)!"

"No matter how hard it is to listen to your mom, remember that some day she will be your best friend."

"And that boy you have a crush on? Please just forget about him and move along. No one who has a fake, stuffed squirrel-friend named Cedric is ready for a romantic relationship at any level."

Little Me was a worried one. She constantly worried about what other people thought of her. She thought about her hair a lot, trying (and failing) to make each strand fall in place like it was army boot-camp. I would say, "Don't worry about it. Let your hair be natural and PLEASE put down the Aussie Mega-Hold spray. You have enough to think about without being a walking fire-hazard."

I would tell Little Me to spend less time trying to fit in, and spend more time discovering the ways that God made her unique. Little Me cried many bitter tears over the fact that ALL of her friends had Doc Martens and all she had were old sneakers from Target. The same friends all saw the movie Titanic 5 times each and Little Me had to fight with her parents for months until she finally got to go see it once. With her dad. Then she cried for a month following because JACK DIED. She would squeeze her eyes shut and picture his frozen face sinking into the icy depths, white hand extended as if it was reaching out to her. Apparently, Little Me was a little out of touch with reality.

If I could swing back in time, I would take Little Me out for coffee, and I would take her hands, look into her worried eyes and say,

You won't believe what is in store for you! You will graduate from the college you dream of, travel the world, sing on stages in sparkly dresses, meet so many different people.


You won't get your first kiss until you are the ripe old age of twenty-three (and it certainly won't be from someone who thinks a stuffed animal is a valid conversational partner). It will be from the man you will spend the rest of your life with (and yes, it's going to be AWESOME). You will experience more heartbreak, more fair-weather friends who drift in and out of your life. But through it all, you WILL survive, and you will become a stronger person.

If only you could see yourself at nearly Twenty-Five! You are madly in love with a man who makes you feel treasured and beautiful. You are surrounded by a family that loves and supports you. You have a network of amazing friends who only grow dearer with time. You have a job that makes you feel needed and appreciated and gives you countless opportunities. Some dreams and hopes are realized, and some new and entirely different ones are glinting on the horizon.

And best of all, the God who is there through every trial and heartbreak will never change. He will still be there, holding you together, giving you hope and peace, guiding your footsteps. And He will answer every prayer your little mouth has whispered, in ways you can't even begin to imagine.

Thoughts for a Friday

Do you ever have days when you burst into tears for no apparent reason?

I’ve had a few of those this week. It hasn’t been a “bad” week, per se, but for some reason my emotions just decided to have a little fun. My poor husband probably feels like he’s playing a game of Russian Roulette every time he tries to enter into conversation with me.

Him- “Honey, how are you today?”

Me- “And what do you mean by THAT?!”

Ok. So it’s not really that bad, but you get the point. But this morning, I am feeling like I have a better grip on reality. And I’m realizing how wonderful it is that we don’t have a hormonal God.

We don’t have to be afraid to approach Him, tentatively placing our requests at His feet and wondering if we will get reassurance or just a bop on the head.

We can approach Him, day in and day out, with everything and anything and know that His response will always come out of the pure Holiness of His being. The same God who heard the prayers of King David hears the cries of my fickle heart. And He always responds in love.


Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
(James 1:17 NIV)

Crucified with Christ

Crucified with Christ (Lyrics by Phillips, Craig and Dean)


As I look back on what I thought was living,

I'm amazed at the price I choose to pay.

And to think I ignored what really mattered

Cause I thought the sacrifice would be too great.

But when I finally reached the point of giving in,

I found the cross was calling even then.

And even though it took dying to survive,

I've never felt so much alive.

For I am crucified with Christ and yet I live!

Not I, but Christ that lives within me.

His Cross will never ask for more than I can give,

For its not my strength but His.
There's no greater sacrifice.

For I am crucified with Christ and yet I live!

As I hear the Savior call for daily dying,

I will bow beneath the weight of Calvary.

Let my hands surrender to His piercing purpose

That holds me to the cross but sets me free.

I will glory in the power of the cross

The things I thought were gain I count as loss

And with His suffering I identify

And by His resurrection power I am alive!

And I will offer all I have
So that His cross is not in vain
For I found to live is Christ
And to die is truly gain.

on the fringe of fellowship

Colossians 3:12-14 (NIV)
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

When you ask God to work in your heart, you can bet that He will follow through. I think He loves to poke at my peaceful existence and gently nudge me closer to Holiness. Just when I start to feel comfortable, that’s when He reminds me of all I have to learn.

Most recently, I prayed that God would help Josh and I to really connect with our church family. To be an integral part of the church’s ministry mechanism, instead of just lingering on the fringe, darting between the gears.

I think God smiled when I asked that. I was unaware of the impending flood at the time, but looking back I must have sensed that those words did not fall on deaf ears. Instead, they set into motion one revelation after another, something like a domino effect.

I said, God, why do I feel like I’m being neglected? I walk into church and no one even talks to me! Even though I’ve been here for 9 years, I feel like I hardly know anyone anymore.

God asked, Why don’t you talk to them? I sheepishly twiddled my fingers and waited for the words to come, the excuses that would numb the twinge of regret. But all of my words felt dry and useless at the back of my tongue.

With one question, God turned the issue around. I began realizing that the lack of community wasn’t some evil plot against me, but rather it was partly due to my own attitude. Every Sunday, for about 2 months now, God has been gently pointing out people that I need to talk to. I’ve realized that I have been holding grudges, some big and some small, that have been affecting relationships with my Christian family. And slowly, as Christ whispers in my ear, I am seeking restoration.

It’s not easy. In fact, sometimes I balk at what He asks of me. Don’t you remember what that person said? Don’t you remember what they did? But it’s not about their heart. It’s about my heart. And so I go, trudging as faithfully as I can, on a mission of reconciliation. Because community, fellowship, loving just the way Christ does is not a natural occurance. It is one that comes through trial, through testing and through the turning of our hearts.

How is God working in your heart? In the midst of celebrating Christ’s most significant act of love, we have an opportunity to refresh our understanding of His sacrifice, and examine our own hearts as we draw closer to Him.

just joyful

Today I met a dear friend of mine for lunch at one of my favorite places- Panera Bread.

We had fun chatting and catching up, and it was especially fun because she and her new hubby got married just a couple of weeks before we did last summer. As we talked, I could see the joy that lit up her eyes.

I knew it immediately, because it's the same joy I see in my own eyes every day.

I have never felt more at peace, more grounded and rooted in joy in my entire life. It's like God has opened the floodgates of Heaven and just poured out blessing after blessing. My Dad wrote an email to me a week before my wedding that completely summed it up for me.

He said, "It's so much blessing, it's like trying to drink from a fire hose!"

Is my life perfect? No, most definitely not. I could rattle off a list of things that I am unhappy or concerned about now. But now is not the time for that.

Because right now, I'm just joyful.




From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.

John 1:16 (NIV)

words that aren't my own

Isaiah 42:5-7

This is what God the Lord says-
He who created the heavens and
stretched them out,
who spread the earth and all that
comes out of it,
who gives breath to its people, and life to those who walk on it;
I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness;
I will take hold of your hand.
I will keep you and make you
to be a covenant for the people
and a light for the gentiles,
to open the eyes that are blind,
to free the captive from prison,
and to release from the dungeon
those who sit in darkness.

getting my priorities straight

Image found here.

Do you ever have days when you wish you had...


The subtle, graceful beauty of Audrey Hepburn,


The witty humor of Erma Bombeck,


The sheer creative genius of Martha Stewart (without the prison record),


The ability to genuinely care for and love every person you meet just like (insert name here),


A seemingly spotless house with gracious inhabitants like your next-door-neighbor,


Neat, organized closets where everything is easily found just like your mother's,


A wardrobe to rival Sarah Jessica Parker's (is it just me or is she kind of odd looking? But I still want her shoes),


And......... (insert a million other things here).




I have those days a lot. I see so many examples of amazing women everywhere I look, and I want to be one of them. I pick out their finest characteristics and accomplishments, and whomp myself over the head with them (figuratively speaking).

Most days, I'm lucky if I have time to shave my legs and empty the dishwasher. Yet, I aspire to a checklist of accomplishments and character traits that would have the Queen of England begging for mercy.

Ah yes, I hear some gentle laughs. I think a lot of women struggle with this. We are observant, we are affected by what we see around us, we are constantly trying to measure up to some standard.

But lately, God has been gently nudging me. He's asking me to set aside my checklist and look deeply into His eyes. There, I don't see little white boxes waiting for my pencil mark.

Instead, I see how much He adores me. And I see a little twinkle that makes me realize how outrageous my strivings really are. I will never be perfect, and in fact I probably won't even be close.

I feel Him gently pry away my fingers, and pull the crumpled list from my hands. In it's place He breathes a word. Just one simple word that lands firmly in my soul, and resounds through my body.

Love.

Love God, love others, love the life you have been given.

Everything else will fall into place.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Romans 12:9-12 (NIV)

The Funeral

I have had a song echoing in my mind for the past few months. It's from the group Band of Horses. They are not a "Christian" band, but for some reason their music always resonates with me. I'm not sure what their meaning was when they wrote the song "The Funeral," but the lyrics have been haunting my thoughts, and I have since attached my own meaning to them.


I've been witnessing a funeral for the past two years. I've been slowly, painfully putting a dream to rest with God's help. As someone who is driven by dreams, changing paths was worse than torture. I followed a path, a dream, for years and was spurred on by the dream itself, by the calling God had placed on my life, by the encouragement of others, by my own sense of accomplishment.

At every occasion I'll be ready for a funeral

At every occasion once more is called a funeral

Every occasion I'm ready for the funeral

At every occasion one brilliant day funeral

Somewhere along the path, the dream ceased to be life-giving. It started to feel like a burden, like I was striving for something without knowing why. So I revisited the dream, lived in the thought of what I used to long for and realized that that life no longer seemed so glorious. I no longer wanted a life kept breathing by recognition, by being scrutinized and evaluated constantly, a life spent playing different roles.

I'm coming up only to show you down for

I'm coming up only to show you wrong

To the outside, the dead leaves, they all blow

For'e they died had trees to hang their hope

Now, as I look around at my life I see something different. Instead of long hours spent pursuing a hollow dream, I see priceless moments with the people I love. I see a life overflowing with God's love, a life that breathes goodness and beauty into it's surroundings. There is a strength, a discernment that I didn't have before. I have a God who loves me unceasingly, a husband who loves me, a family that comforts and spurs me on, the hope of dreams to come.

In the light of Christ's sacrifice, funerals have a different meaning. They symbolize a death, a burial. But more than this, they symbolize a life reborn, a life fully recognized. How else can we come face to face with our Savior but by shedding the existence we know? And as we step into that light, we leave behind the scent of death and are overcome by the brilliance of His presence. This brilliance sparks and burns away the chill, leaving us completely wrapped in His glory.

Every day, I am ready for a funeral.

I am ready to put my dreams, my hopes, my will to rest for the sake of following Christ. But as I shed those burdens, laying them to rest in the wet, black earth, I am not overcome by the sense of loss. It is certainly there, trembling at the back of my mind. But stronger still is a sense of peace. God has asked me to lay this down, but in it's place there is Hope for the future.

Every occasion I'm ready for the funeral

At every occasion one brilliant day funeral

Christmas Unwrapped

Yesterday, some gifts came in the mail. A package from NewEgg for my brother (he wanted a computer mouse, how exciting!), and a package for... ME! (A gift from Hubby, of course).

I think I know where it is from. And I am ecstatic. Here's a clue: the root of the name is the Greek word Anthropos, meaning: man, mankind, humankind, etc. But in real life it just means AMAZING! INCREDIBLE! TERRIBLY EXPENSIVE! ENOUGH TO MAKE A GROWN WOMAN CRY! (http://www.anthropologie.com/)

I promised Hubby that I would not look at the package or (Heaven forbid!) open it. I also placed my own stipulation on the mail gathering, because I have a package coming in the mail for him too. (I know you are reading this, Hubby, no clues will be given here!).

Last night, we were sitting around, watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas (Jim Carrey version), I was wrapping more presents, and Hubby was reading. We both were chatting at one point, and we were suddenly overwhelmed with the childish urge to open our gifts. I'm not sure who started it, maybe it was on both of our minds.

Hubby looked at me with a gleam in his eye and said, "You know, we could open them tonight. Just our gifts for each other..."

I paused. I drank in the moment, the possibilities. I pictured myself voraciously tearing into that brown package, laughing hysterically as packing peanuts swirled around my head. I pictured Hubby tearing open the pristinely wrapped gifts that I have so thoughtfully picked out for him.

Why wait? Christmas is right around the corner anyway, next week will be so busy, why not spread a little Christmas Joy around our house? We're adults, we can do that, right?

But then, in a flash, the moment was over. Once again, I was an adult. An adult who has seen almost 24 Christmases. An adult who knows that some things are just worth waiting for, that sometimes the waiting is what makes it so special.

We did not unwrap the gifts. After the moment of insanity was over, we looked at each other, giggled a little, and went back to our respective diversions.

The presents will sit under our tree for a little while longer. I think the mystery of their unknown treasures will help us to dwell on the season as we remember that Christ brought us the greatest gift of all. It's a gift that we know we have received, but we can't open it yet. Instead, we live in the glorious expectation of the unwrapping, the unveiling. The day that we will finally look upon the face of our Savior, Jesus Christ.